Noviembre 21

"Nothing ripens to reality that is not rooted in memory, nothing can be grasped in the human being that has not been bestowed on him from the very beginning, overshadowed by the faces of his youth" 

Noviembre 20

"We can only know two things about people: What we wanna see and what they wanna show" which indicates that we can never,(or very rarely) "know" someone else (even for that very minute they are presenting or we are perceiving them. since we continuously change, we cant capture selves as we cant capture time) And we can only show certain parts of ourselves to certain people... never the whole. Only the parts we want to emphasize on...only the parts WE want to see as our selves. This is not a revelation of course, but a reminder to myself for  everyday that I hear someone tell me how friendly, melancholic, cheerful, independent, needy, fearless, unreasonable, emotional, heartless etc I am.  (nothing wrong with it. I psycho analyze constantly.)

The loner in my soul comes out very often these days. My dark side that wants to just block everyone out of my life as cold blooded as it might be. The feeling I get thinking that I never loved, cared for or valued someone else in my entire life. The humanly side that is yet considered unhumane.  I find a masochist satisfaction in being alone in this continent. Though often if not almost always, I think/feel/tell myself that not only I extremely value but also miss my friends, family and friends that became to be family; I am somehow more comfortable in a shell that i can bury my "self" under. Am I running away from a self-discovery, disappointment? -"Never underestimate the power of other people letting you down?" 

What does this "self' has to offer that i want to be alone with it so often to understand/ignore/accept?

~off to real things, things people wonder about,care about, are curious to find out... What did you do today?

I will leave my house with a void growing in my heart, a void i seem not to be able to content myself without. I am going to a workshop for the photography job I got... Not sure what it is. Then I will go to work at the bar... from 10:30 on... Meet people, make drinks, smile, try to blend in and make no mistakes. I will say no to people who want to hang out afterwards, because for some reason I love rushing to my "self" whose only plan is to be by herself for no reason. 

~came back a positive person... I love everyone and I am indeed cheerful at this moment... (but in a cool way=))

My photography workshop was great, met some cool people... I might have my first job this weekend. Casa was full, i didnt have a moment to just stand still. Around 90pesos of tip, 77 for me.  Now off to The Death of Virgil...Now he, is definitely a prosist!

Noviembre 19

Woke up a bit sick... Feverish... the throat ache continues as well... I have been working on a side writing yesterday and today. I feel like I need to get that out of my chest/heart/hands to be able to continue with the other story -the real one as I call it-

Last night was great. I felt like I was back in Chicago. I met up with several friends from Chicago who are here for the tango week. 

I am mad at myself for not studying or trying to speak in Spanish as much as I can. I need to do something about this! 

Went to pilates today at 3:00... I think I gained so much weight in the last two weeks!So I cooked steak at home. It was a damn good one too.. Olive oil is the secret!

I am gonna go watch tv for a while and lay until it is time to go dance...

Cat Power_ Maybe Not

Blonde Redhead_Falling Man

a bit depressed today?

Noviembre 18

i dont remember my dreams but I woke up on the wrong side...-the left side that is. I quickly moved to "the right" side

I have a dilemma... -Well I have more than one but in the context of "now", one is more apparent or intense- I have been thinking about this on and off for couple of days with no articulate answers... The story I have started to write is currently narrated in the third person. Though I have not yet come across a blockage that this would cause, I am not entirely sure about the effectiveness of this story in third person.  They each have their limitations...So what should I do? Still not sure. So I am unable to write until I make a decision.

And I realized the other day that I am not a writer... not a prosist at least... maybe a storyteller... so don't expect any pretty words from someone who doesn't know half of the words in the English Language.

Noviembre 17- Aniversario de 1 mes!

Weird dreams continue...

Last night, I dreamed that I was in front of a (my?) fridge that had a weak light coming from the slight opening of its door in an otherwise pitch black room.  I opened the freezer's door to find out that everything in there was gone bad. Something must have happened to defrost the chopped up pieces of meat into a  soft and bloody state. I tried couple of times to unsuccessfully shut down the door of the freezer. I was scared of something coming out of there. I don't remember the rest. I must have skipped to other, less intriguing dreams. 

I woke up sore. I know I have to run errands but I have no will of getting out of the house. My throat, which started hurting about 4days ago still reminds himself to me, especially in the morning. No cigarettes for the last 4days. A minor success- or part of a usual-cycle. 

Some updates:

I got a new (additional) job. I will be a night life photographer. Go to different clubs one or two nights a week and photograph people/atmospheres/staff/drinks etc. I had my interview last Friday. I completed my assignment by taking pictures of a "Booze Cruise"  and got the email from the "company" confirming that I have the job couple days ago. The company is two german guys. Their idea is to create a website where people can find out club events by date/type of music/location for Buenos Aires. They can have their own customized pages where they can select events to participate, see others that are participating to the same event, comment and the next morning find pictures. It is pretty cool. I will keep you updated as I dive more into it.

My friend John's sister will be bringing me a new Ipod... So I am going to guard it with my life!

Started reading a new book (Thanks Luke): The Death of Virgil, Hermann Broch.

Summary: Last Week

I had my first visitor: Luke. He arrived last Sunday and left today...

With his arrival started craziness...

Acting as a host, I discovered some new faces of this not yet so familiar city...

Event 1: Within the first couple of hours after he landed, at a restaurant nearby my house my bag of which's ingredients  I was fond of and needed was stolen. (Yes I am THAT tourist!) 

(Lesson one: Always tie your bag to your chair/table/self!!! Do not trust in 'good' in people)

We had a fun 4 day visit of Buenos Aires all in all... Ate steak after steak... Drank beer after beet....I am now 15pounds fatter!

La Recoleta

After we have tried all the steak in Buenos Aires, we decided to take a short trip to a neighbor country: Chile. We packed our bags and went over to Santiago and Valparaiso for 3 days... You will have to refer to pictures on Facebook... Santiago is a usual big city with few tourists attractions within walking distance. Valparaiso is an amazing small town, 2hours away from Santiago, painted in every color that you can possibly imagine. Its hills are made even more accessible with the Ascensors all over the city and you can't take a step without noticing Grifiti on the walls or the ground.

Valparaiso, Chile

Event 2: In the cute hostel we stayed in, last day of our stay, i elegantly slipped while going down the stairs and made it downstairs a bit faster than I meant to. Now, as a souvenir, I have a purplish bruise on my back.

(Lesson two: It is not the Bs As streets that are slippery, it is your shoes!!)

Coming back "home" on Saturday night was nice. The weather got a bit chillier but it is only November. (I get to say things like that in Southern Hemisphere =) )

Event 3: When we got home, we were not alone. What also was there was not human. I will say no more... Luke killed them, but he wont go to jail. 

(Lesson three: ??)

Out of Office

I will be temporarily out of office (in Chile) until Sunday morning...

I will report back with long explanations, good stories and pictures upon my return...

Porque No?

I am still alive and here. 

I kinda had a major event happened to me yesterday though... At a restaurant in Plaza Serrano in Palermo(3blocks from the house) someone stole my bag.

Ingredients: Ipod-touch(new), old ipod, wallet(only credit card I possess here, driver license, money), notebook, keys to the apartment, phone, makeup, sweater...

I will write/tell more later... I am fine and in the house now (after a day)

Material for new stories =)

Dia Veinte

what a crazy dream... I haven't struggled in my dream this much for a while now....I was given a box by several of my close friends and couple people I only met 1-2 times in my life. They were telling me: Here it is, the box of freedom. You have it now, you are free now! They were angrily waiting for an answer from me regarding what i wanted to do with "my freedom". I didn't know. I didn't want it. I wanted everything at the same time.  I woke up concluding that total freedom was total chaos...and definitely not a liberating feeling. I didnt want it in my dreams, what more can I say =)

today is just starting... will write more later.

~

Turned my TV on for the first time for a while... and here it is:

reporting from Chicago =)

Later I went on reading Murakami... Finally, i finished "The wind-up bird chronicles"... I concur one more time that he is an amazing writer. I am sitting in my apartment alone and waiting something surreal to happen now, a bit scared to be honest. (actually very scared). 

Dia Diecinueve

Though it is usually not an accomplishment for a successful writer, since I am amateur and not successful yet; i decided that I need to celebrate my second night of writing. I realize that this needs to become more regular and I do need to discipline myself. I need to put words down and keep going even when I do not feel like it or hate the words that i am forming on the page. I forgive myself for being relentless until today though. After all it was my first two weeks in a new city/country/continent!... So cheers to the 5000th word of my humble story!... Now I have 20pages!... -which after editing will probably drop down to 10-

So now that i have that off my chest... 

Today is the big day... elections that the whole world is waiting for. Obama wins Illinois and my heart!... We will see what happens in couple of hours I guess.

Other than that.. today I went to my first Tango class at DNI... I bought a 10class pass and am excited to go there again soon...